The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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