i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
where does the pee come out of this thing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
