I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
