You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
