He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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