This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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