3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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