This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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