I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
