i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
