My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
