I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
