i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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