Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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