dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
