He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
