The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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