Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
