This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
