it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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