he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In America we eat man semen.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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