Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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