i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
