Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
