Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, beer. Big fan.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
