she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
