it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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