I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
there is puke in my bra ... again
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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