Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
