mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
