Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
