My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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