you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Terrible idea I love it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
