i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
