im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
