sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
