my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
