i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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