i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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