this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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