OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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