Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
