I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
