and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
