Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
