I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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