Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
