I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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