a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
