You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
