I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
