Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
