Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
