and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
