Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
